Trump’s Team Holds Three Intense Debate Practice Sessions Before Sunday’s Townhall Against Clinton

As a newly released audio tape of Trump making deplorable comments about women emerged and began to take the Twitterverse by storm, the candidate buckled down for three intense practice sessions before Sunday night’s Townhall debate.

The first session solely focused on Trump’s appeal to women voters, a particularly important topic considering the hot mic conversation released by The Washington Post on Friday. Specifically, Trump and his campaign preppers looked to clarify his comments about former Miss Universe, Alicia Machado. Trump’s campaign managers once again faced difficulties in getting their candidate to focus and tried to persuade him, with little success, to avoid sensationalistic tactics during the debate.


Instead, Trump appeared distracted and at one point asked to be given a hand puppet to help him concentrate. When told his campaign managers had failed to anticipate his need for a hand puppet, Mr. Trump informed them that “he had brought his own” because they were all “losers” and he never expects them to “do anything that might actually help him win the fucking campaign or look fucking Presidential.”

Later on in the first session, Trump took a break and returned with an accessory he believed would help him appeal to people who “never thought Alicia Machado was a nice person anyway.”


In a second session, Trump surrogates repeatedly hammered on the candidate in an effort to help him control his temper. The surrogates allegedly hurled insults at Trump and provoked him relentlessly in an effort to avoid Trump appearing thin-skinned during the debate. That tactic apparently failed after Trump was handed a fruit basket and asked to explain how he could disparage undocumented workers from Mexico who are responsible for picking much of the nation’s produce. Trump chomped and squeezed the fruit and began yelling incoherent phrases as pieces of apple, banana, and pomegranate stuck like shrapnel to the draft-dodging Republican candidate.


Shorty after his tantrum, Trump’s therapy animal and hair-plug donor, Mr. Pussy, was brought in to soothe the candidate. Mr. Pussy has been a long-standing source of comfort to Trump despite campaign manager Kellyanne Conway’s repeated assertions that the animal is both “creepy” and “poorly named.”


The last session focused solely on Trump’s proposed international policies, and went much smoother than the first two sessions, as Trump was able to mostly keep his cool when discussing trade negotiations and foreign policy. He asked to have his foreign policy advisors on stage with him, to which members of his camp readily agreed, with one staffer noting “we would do anything at that point to keep him calm.” Trump’s camp had not been made aware of his picks until the five were brought on stage to join  Trump, and though they seemed slightly dismayed that Trump had chosen animal finger puppets to advise him, they overwhelmingly agreed that once again they would “let Trump be Trump.”


Sunday’s Townhall will begin at 9:00pm ET in Sandown, New Hampshire.